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[OM] Circles of Confusion: Alice in Zuikoland

Subject: [OM] Circles of Confusion: Alice in Zuikoland
From: "Peter A. Klein" <pklein@xxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Tue, 04 May 1999 22:29:40 -0700
At 08:26 PM 05/04/1999 -0500, Ken wrote:
>Circles of Confusion:  What you get on your face when you pass out face
>first into a six pack.
>
>Ken (Ducking flying Websters) Norton

    . . . Just then, Alice spied a caterpillar sitting on a mushroom,
smoking a bokeh. 

    "Please, Sir,"  she asked, "What are you doing?"

    "Contemplating the Circles of Confusion." came the reply.

    "Are these circles very large?"  she asked.

    "No," replied the caterpillar, "They are very small.  But *how* small
they are is another question entirely.  Bless you, it all depends."

    "Depends on what?"

    "Why, on the opening of the lens, and on the size of the print, of
course!" 

    "What lens?" asked Alice, astonished.

    "Why, the one that is pointed at you," said the caterpillar.

    Alice turned to discover an enormous curved wall of glass behind her.
It was surrounded by an immense black metal ring.  On the ring was
inscribed, in huge white letters, "OLYMPUS OM-SYSTEM ZUIKO MC," plus some
other numbers and symbols that Alice did not understand.  The lens was
getting closer and closer, larger and larger, and Alice could see several
reflections of herself in the glass.  Some of the reflections were green,
and quite frightening indeed.

    Even stranger, as the lens came closer and closer, the grass around
Alice grew fuzzier and fuzzier.

    "Well, we'll soon fix that," said Alice, who did not fancy herself
becoming fuzzy.  She reached into her pocket, and began munching on the
cake labelled "Eat me."  Immediately, she began to grow, and as she did,
the grass became sharp again.

    "Watch your step!" cried the caterpillar, getting smaller and smaller.

    When she stopped growing, Alice found herself at the Queen of Hearts'
garden party.  All the courtiers were holding cameras of various shapes and
sizes, and photographing daisies, petunias, and each other.  The Zuiko lens
was now of normal size, mounted on an Olympus camera, and in the hands of
the Mad Hatter.

    "What a pretty little girl," exclaimed the Hatter.  "Please hold still
while I focus.  This is a macro lens, suitable for photographing macaroni,
and macaroons, and. . .  and. . ."

    "And treacle," said the Doormouse, as he attempted to retreive his Pen
F from a teapot.

    "Off with her head!" screamed a voice behind Alice.  Turning, Alice
came face to face with the Queen of Hearts.

    "Off with her head!" screamed the Queen again.  She was holding a
screw-mount Leica which, alas, had no parallax correction.



--Peter "Curiouser and Curiouser" Klein

--- Peter
/\:     ________     __     =========     ,  ,  ,  ,   ,  ,  |'  ,      ,
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/ b b ,| ,| ,| ,|  ,| ,|  '  ,|   | ,|   |__|__|__|   |__|   |  |   |  |
                                ~'                            ========= 


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