Moose, thanks your condolences and share of your own stories. I'm sure it is
much better to have the family members come together to say goodbye,
unfortunately the doctor had not made a better arrangement so we were not
able to do that, he informed us too late.
My mother is still alive but she is in the elder centre sleeping in the bed
most of the time and can't recognize any of us. She had Parkinson's Disease
for a few years but we just found it out early last year, after treatment
started for not long she fell onto the floor and broken her leg. After
surgery she was not able to walk and starting to get worse, food has to feed
through nasogastric tube. At the beginning she still can talk a little and
recognize all of us but now she is no differ from a death person.
My brother's family moved to Australia for over 20 years. He came back once
a year, I'm the only son in Hong Kong talking care of them, fortunately my
wife do a great support on that. Actually, at early last year we were still
a happy family, we can sit together to have dinner and our parents had no
big problem to move around and live independently, things just changed too
fast....
C.H.Ling
----- Original Message -----
From: "Moose" <olymoose@xxxxxxxxx>
> Very sorry to hear that. The sudden loss of a loved one is hard.
>
> If you don't want to hear other people's stories at this time in your
> mourning, just accept my condolences and skip the rest.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> One of my brothers (Once there were four of us.) died a long, wasting,
> painful death. That was really hard on a lot of people. His personality
> was such that I it seemed was harder on his partner and Mom than him, at
> least that he would show.
>
> My late wife took a long time dying, too. The last month was in an ICU,
> incommunicado after the first few days.
>
> My father died at 67, quite unexpectedly, when I was 43. Although he
> worked to appear open, he was, in fact, quite private, keeping much of
> his interior life secret. So I never had an opportunity to really know
> him. Then again, I don't know if he ever would have opened up. Certainly
> I had gotten far enough beyond my teen years to have told him I loved
> him and respected him. Still, he was an interesting, smart guy, and it
> might have been nice to get better acquainted.
>
> It was quick. Quick is better.
>
> My mother died at 86 a couple of years ago. With her last illness, she
> had been slowly fading, fortunately not in pain, but also increasingly
> not having any enjoyment in her life. When I last dropped by to check on
> her and found her slipped out of the chair she liked onto the floor and
> not entirely conscious, she fought me to just put her back in her chair
> and go home. I'm pretty sure she knew she was about to die and wanted to
> slip away in peace at home.
>
> I, had to argue with her and use my legal power of attorney to get her
> into an ambulance and to the hospital. While in the ER, a doctor told
> her how lucky she was to have sons who took such care of her. She
> replied with a shrug and an "unh" sort of sound. She was a little irked
> at us for taking her in.
>
> I would probably have just given in to her wishes, were it not for her
> other sons. I had spent many, many hours with her over the last few
> years and had no unfinished business, except perhaps my concern that she
> was suffering. One of my brothers is local and was soon there when I
> called.
>
> The other, though, lives a plane ride away. He had been the closest to
> Mom for most of his life, and his wife felt closer to her than to her
> own mother. I knew that, despite my reports, they were not ready for
> sudden news of her death. So we forced her into the hospital and I
> called to tell them to get out here quickly if they wanted to say goodbye.
>
> I told Mom they were coming and she should hold on. She said she wasn't
> sure if she could. As it turned out, they were quick and she held on.
> They got time to talk to her, really understand the situation,
> participate in the decision to turn off the life support and be with her
> to the end. I think it made a big difference to them; I hope so.
> Sometimes it's not about the dying, but those who will stay around.
>
> I wish you good luck with your mourning and adjustment.
>
> Moose
> --
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