Once upon a time, in a camera bag far far away sat a lonely Vivitar 2x
Teleconverter. This poor teleconverter, who we'll call Vert spent most of
his time hiding away in the dark recesses of the bag, usually under a
package of lens tissue.
Vert was a sad teleconverter. No matter how loud he cried out, the owner
would rarely even acknowledge his existance other than to occasionally
remove him from the bag to sit on the shelf for a while. The owner was so
spiteful to Vert that he would even remove the lens caps to use on some
other "prime" lens whom he favored much more than poor little Vert.
Vert knew that he was a disappointment to the owner who really wanted a
Zuiko 1.4 teleconverter, but he hung in there anyway. One day, Vert was
hanging out with the big Soligar 400/5.6 lens but they got in trouble. Vert
should have been inside the bag where it was safe and quiet, but the bag
fell. While it was falling the Sollie the Soligar screemed in fear. They
were in the outside, unprotected pocket of the camera bag and were headed
for the floor. "HELP!!! WE'RE FALLING!!! cried Sollie and Vert, but to no
avail. The owner couldn't catch the bag in time. BOOM. They hit the
floor. Sollie knew that this was the end and he turn just a little to
protect Vert from getting hurt. As Sollie lay in pieces, Vert says "don't
die, please don't die--I'm just too attached to you for you to die." But
Sollie wheezed his last, blinked his big iris one last time and gave his
life for his little friend Vert who made Sollie twice as powerful as without
him.
Vert spent much time on the shelf trying to recover from this terrible
tragedy and even hung out with a bad crowd of aftermarket zooms. But Vert
was never accepted and always pushed to the side and left to collect dust.
One day, there was a rumour in the camp. A rumour that a new lens was
coming. "I hear that it's going to be another wide angle" said the 24/2.4
in fear, since he was the 'favored' child. "No" said the 100/2.8, "I hear
that it's going to be another zoom." Omer, the OM-1, said "you are both
wrong, I found out that it's going to be a 200/2.8." This got everybody
excited since there hadn't been a 200 in their midst for years--ever since
Franky had met death on a rock face.
"OK, EVERYBODY LINE UP OVER THERE. I'M IN CHARGE NOW" barked the Soligar
200/2.8 as he pushed his way into the bag. "I'M The Biggest, Baddest,
Meenest Lens around this rinkydink operation. Everybody SHAPE UP. You over
there, clean that skylight filter. How dare it be so dirty." "My name is
Sue--That's right, a lens named Sue." (sorry country music fans, I
couldn't resist <g>) "...And this is my assistant Toky." In walked Toky,
a Tokina 2x teleconverter. A gasp went through the bag and everybody
started talking at once. "Whatever will happen to Vert now that Toky is
here?"
Vert again was sent to the shelf where he was left exposed to the elements.
At one time he was even attached to the 50/1.4 when it needed a rear lens
cap. Oh, the disgrace--to be forgotten, unloved and neglected. Vert
decided to try killing himself by rolling of the shelf, but Veronica Velvia
stood in the way and convinced him to stay. "Just wait, your day will come.
Toky won't be the assistant forever."
One winter day the owner snatches Vert of the shelf and stuffs him in the
camera bag. "Oh, wow, where am I going? Is this it? Will he drop me off
in the junk bin where I'll die? Will he use me?" Poor Vert was just a
bundle of nerves as he didn't know what was happening.
"MORE POWER, I NEED MORE POWER!" yelled Sue. "Toky, you are just not
enough. How can I be strong enough to take pictures of these eagles if you
try by yourself to help me. I need more power! Vert, come here. Attach
yourself to Toky here and give me a hand."
So restarted Vert's career again as a teleconverter. But every time Sue
needed more power he didn't know who to use. Neither Toky nor Vert had any
job security now. They would fight with each other for space in the camera
bag--as there was only room for one of them.
"Well, I've always worked with Toky, but let's have a contest to see who is
the better choice to be my assistant. Will it be Toky? Or will it be
Vert?" said Sue. "This will be a contest to see who can fulfill my desires
to be a 400."
"The winner of the contest gets to be my assistant. The loser must undergo
a frontal-lobotomy to remove the elements and become an extension tube."
Cries of protests arose from the camera bag, but to no avail. The decision
was made and there was no backing out of it.
The day of the contest was to arrive. Who will win the contest? Who will
undergo the terrible surgery and embarrasement? Will justice be served?
Are the Spacemen visible with the 2-series screens or just the 1-12 screen?
These and other questions will be answered on our next episode of "As the
Focus Ring Turns."
[announcer credits]
"Today's episode of "As the Focus Ring Turns" is brought to you by "Tissue
Plus". Tissue Plus says that there is no better lens wipe than Tissue Plus.
Also, by "Trojan Body Caps." Trojans is the source for body caps. Do you
have a camera body that needs super protection from those aftermarket zooms?
Try Trojans."
"This is Oly Empius for 'As the focus Ring Turns.' See you next time."
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