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Re: [OM] South West USA Trip

Subject: Re: [OM] South West USA Trip
From: Joel Wilcox <jowilcox@xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Thu, 30 Apr 1998 22:51:22 -0500
At 05:33 PM 4/30/1998 +0100, you wrote:
>
>>-----Original Message-----
>>From: Clive Warren <Clive.Warren@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
>>>Have my English-American phrase book and am practising.....
>>>
>>>'Get down off that horse and imbibe some refreshment my good man'
>>>
>>>How am I doing?
>>>
>>It looks like you are doing pretty good at watching TV.
>>
>>Doug
>>Native Texan
>
>
>So is that good?  I have now taken further advice from various lists and
>decided to take a teapot and plenty of Earl Grey tea, to be brewed before
>introducing myself to those of a horseback persuasion.....
>
>Wide angle zuikoed OM on tripod to capture the vent each time of course.
>
>Clive
>Ancient Briton
>
Clive, 

No Oly content to follow.

It's important to talk about the weather a lot in America, like "It's drier
than a popcorn fart."

And when you order whiskey, don't call it "whiskey," or you'll get bourbon,
and if you ask for "Scotch" and it tastes like bourbon, don't be surprised.
The "real" Scotch is probably not going to be an improvement. Don't drink
any beer for which you've ever seen an advertisement. 

And consider changing your name to "Clint" for the duration of your trip.
Get yourself a cap with the emblem of some kind of team on it.  Don't say
"football" unless you are referring to something quite other than "soccor"
and don't even bothering talking about soccor unless you are discussing the
activities of very small children.

You can usually say "Hi" to everyone; don't say "Hello" unless you can't
remember to say "Hi."  When driving backroads it's OK to wave to people you
pass in cars. You can do this by raising the index finger off the steering
wheel.  Left one will do.  Usually not both.  Don't use the middle finger,
however, even in the National Parks. They say firearms are prohibited in
national parks (even in Texas), but it's not worth tempting Fate.

When in America, don't call it "America" unless referring to the language,
which is English but pronounced "'Mercun," or unless chatting with another
European. Don't intimate that you think of yourself as European however, as
this is confusing to Americans, who think of Europeans as persons who speak
English with thick accents.  In parts of the southwest, America is
pronounced "Texas;"  in the far west it is pronounced "California," or more
generically "L.A," except for northern California, where it is pronounced
"not-L.A."  In Nebraska it is pronounced "On the way to Colorado."

Try to speak as much like us as you can, although you won't succeed any
more than Marlon Brando playing Fletcher Christian sounds English to you,
but we appreciate the effort. Whether you are from England, Ireland, Wales,
Scotland, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, or London, we will assume
you are from "England" since these accents all sound the same to us. Don't
say "isn't it?" at the end of simple factual statements, or firmly-held
personal beliefs presented as such.  Makes an American want to say "Well
who the hell died and made you Pope?

Have a great trip.

Westward Ho,

Joel
Ancient Yankee

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