God I get tired of these lists of fatuous, drivelling epithets. So I
derive some small revenge and entertainment by addressing each daft
point.
Andrew Fildes
afildes@xxxxxxxxxxxxx
On 01/05/2008, at 10:15 PM, Rick Beckrich wrote:
> 'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down
> Don't carry it home
That works just fine - if you happen to have a job that you can walk
away from at the end of the day and if you do - you probably aren't
stressed.
> * Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
> and some days you're the statue.
Urban pigeons (actually Rock Doves) sit around all day pecking each
other's parasites, shitting and stealing food. They are a pest. I am
never one of these. Hopefully I will never rate a statue either,
considering some of the characters around here who qualified.
> * Always keep your words soft and sweet,
> just in case you have to eat them.
>
Nope - don't work. Someone doing a repair for me stuffed me around
for ages - until I stopped being nice and got unpleasant. It was
amazing how quickly the job got finished then.
> * Always read stuff that will make you look good
> if you die in the middle of it.
>
You're dead. You don't care. It only upsets your relatives and they
can damn well deal with it.
> * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
> recalled by their maker.
Agnostic me - on the hard end. Imagining that you have a creator
gives you someone to blame.
And most god-botherers seem to drive as if they'll be forgiven - or
even as if they are immortal.
> * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
>
Er, what the hell does this actually MEAN? Lie, prevaricate dissemble
so that they never work out that people avoid them because they
smell? How unkind.
> * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
> it was probably worth it.
That's pretty unkind - see previous ridiculouse item.
> * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to
> others.
>
Probably the silliest teleology I've ever heard. A purposeless
purpose???
> * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
> because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
>
But nobody will be able to hear your cries for help and, you will
need help.
> * Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
> Just get up and dance.
They care, believe me they care. They show it by laughing (at, not
with). I do not have a fetish for ritual public humiliation.
Besides, thanks to arthritis I can now barely walk effectively, never
mind dance so this is offensive to the disabled.
> * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
Nope - just avoid any bird big enough to eat you (shouldn't be hard).
> * The second mouse gets the cheese.
>
Only until it reaches the second trap.
> * When everything's coming your way,
> you're in the wrong lane.
Perhaps in Murica where you drive on the wrong side of the road.
Otherwise, just more pessimistic drivel.
> * Birthdays are good for you.
> The more you have, the longer you live.
And won't you enjoy people congratulating you on surviving?
> * You may be only one person in the world,
> but you may also be the world to one person.
>
Yeah, at least your dog loves you. You are the source of food.
> * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
>
Then, by definition, they weren't bloody mistakes were they?! Sigh.
> * We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are
> pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are
> different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
>
And some are more popular and get used up faster and some get lent
and never returned and some get lost or broken and shit can we
stretch this dumb analogy any further? And whose name are you calling
weird hey?
>
> *A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
>
That would be in the middle of rainy night where they forgot one sign
so that you are irredeemably lost in an evil looking industrial slum?
No a truly happy person is someone who has something real to be happy
about, not a grinning chimp who is easy to please or a vague stoner
who finds anything fascinating. And good luck defining happiness -
even Aristotle had trouble with that one.
> Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you
> today...I did.
No you didn't - you just thoughtlessly forwarded this crap to your
entire address book. Don't.
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