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Re: [OM] The Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art

Subject: Re: [OM] The Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art
From: "tOM Trottier" <Tom@xxxxxxxxxxxxx>
Date: Tue, 29 Jul 2003 00:56:43 -0400
....
> John's Quick Guide to the Fine Art of Increasing the Value of Fine Art:
> 
> 1.  Simplicity of line and shape:
> Rounded, smooth surfaces with one curved line, two at the most, work 
> best.  An oval or oblong hole in an odd location somewhere off-center is a 
> bonus.  Value is inversely proportional to complexity of line, shape and 
> texture.

So much for Jackson Pollock.

>2..  Abstraction:
> The more it makes "normal" people wonder what it is, and why you made it, 
> the more valuable it is.  The value of artwork is directly proportional to 
> its "enigma factor."

So much for Rembrandt.

> 3.  Title:
> Works in conjuntion with the abstraction.  The best titles are formed by 
> using a noun followed by a past-tense action verb, and then a two-digit ODD 
> number:  "Pyramid morphed #49" would work exquisitely to desribe a long 
> twisted mass with only round surfaces, no sharp edges, no straight lines, 
> and having an oblong hole somewhere.  The more the sculpture makes them 
> wonder how you got to it starting from a pyramid shape that it no longer 
> bears any resemblance to, the better.  The number makes them think you've 
> done an entire series of different ones, studying the 
> concept.  Single-digit is no good; it's too early in the concept and 
> implies it's too simplistic.  Triple-digit implies you've studied it to 
> death and should have moved on to another concept; that you're stuck in a 
> rut and are likely at a nadir in your career.  Two-digit though indicates a 
> concept that's mature in your study of it, and therefore is at the zenith 
> of sophistication and complexity.

So much for Mona Lisa.

> 4.  Hob-Nobbing with Patrons:
> It is supremely important to be able to mix properly with the eccentric 
> millionaires who think they know about art.  Potential buyers want to meet 
> the artist.  Gallery directors want to put them on parade, as if they're 
> one of the art pieces.  You want to appear worldly and cosmopolitan, not 
> provincial, and NOT from wherever you happen to be at the time, but from 
> somewhere eles far away.  But . . . you cannot let them get to know you too 
> much.  You must appear to be somewhat an enigma . . . that your brain is 
> wired completely differently from the rest of the "normal" world . . . and 
> that is how you attain the "artistic visions" for your works that mere 
> mortals can never hope to achieve.

So much for Damian Loeb

> 4a.  Attire:
> Dress oddly.  Not "geek" . . . just weird . . . there is a 
> difference.  Monotone works, especially all black (Fall/Winter) and very 
> heavy in fabric weight, or all white (Spring/Summer) and very light in 
> weight.  Wear a hat.  Not a ballcap!  No beret!!  Fall/Winter: trilby 
> fedora; same color as monotone clothing.  If it's cold, wear a trenchcoat 
> or long heavy overcoat that falls below the knee.  Spring/Summer:  panama 
> fedora.  Regardless of season, wear a sport-coat: coarse-woven tweed, or 
> even better, corduroy; denim might work if it's the right color; white 
> linen may also work with monotone white.  No blazers!  Definitely no 
> suits!!!  Most definitely NO tie!!!!  Turtle-neck (Winter only) or band 
> collar.  A coat must be worn as if it's a cape, and it's never taken off 
> indoors, even if you're sweltering.  In other words, you put it over your 
> shoulders without putting your arms in the sleeves.  This takes a bit of 
> practice in moving about, sipping wine, nibbling on cheese cubes, and not 
> letting it fall off your shoulders.  Fitting your shoulders, nape of neck 
> and draping down over your back well helps.  That's all you need worry 
> about in buying one.  Sleeve length doesn't matter as you'll never use 
> them, and proper taper at the waist isn't important as you'll never button 
> it.  Jackets or parkas are a NO NO!  So are mittens, unless they're woven 
> wool and have the ends cut off where the fingertips go.  Use pinking shears 
> to do this and play with the ends a bit as you want a bit of 
> fray.  Otherwise, it's leather dress gloves.  Italian woven leather loafers 
> work with white; Doc Martens with black.  No sandals and no 
> tennie-floppers.  Socks are optional.  Shoes are optional if you're 
> sufficiently avant garde with the rest to get away with it.

So much for Lee Miller.

> 4b.  Name Dropping:
> Learn the names of the major, nationally known galleries.  Learn the names 
> of a half-dozen or so major, nationally known sculptors and a little about 
> their work (style, school, etc.).  Make and memorize an outline of the 
> major periods of European and American sculpture, and the major historical 
> "schools."  Be able to drop a handful of famous names, at least two from 
> each period.  Europeans: know their nationalities.  Americans: know their 
> region (New England, Mid-West, Deep South, etc.).

You have to speak?

> 4c.  Eloquence:
> Learn what the "formal elements" are:  point, line, shape, texture, value 
> (light versus dark), color, space.  Practice forming arcane and esoteric 
> sentences mixing in these terms with artists names:  "I admire how Edward 
> Weston used nothing but shape and value to create a sense of depth and 
> space in his still lifes."  Speak about your works already being present in 
> the masses of clay before you start; that you have a "vision" of what it 
> is; and you simply remove the excess clay to reveal it.  Avoid conversing 
> long with those who have university degrees in Fine Art.  They'll know more 
> than you, ask probative questions about what you think about artists, 
> "schools," periods and/or styles, and your facade will crumble.

It is best to be entirely incomprehensible, but horny

tOM

> Hope this helps!
> 
> -- John 
---- Quidquid latine dictum sit altum viditur ----
   ,__@ tOM Trottier +1 613 860-6633 fax:+1-270-596-1042
 _-\_<, 758 Albert St.,Ottawa ON Canada K1R 7V8
(*)/'(*)                ICQ:57647974 N45.412 W75.714
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little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor 
safety." -- Benjamin Franklin
I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too 
much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
-Thomas Jefferson 1743-1826)


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