>From: "Metz, Seymour" <smetz@xxxxxxx>
>Thank you for your unilateral annexation of the US. Since we outvote you,
>there will be a few minor changes once we take over the House of Commons.
You don't think democracy is involved here do you? OK - you guys organise
the vote (HA!)
>1. The institutional known as "English cooking" will now be a capital
>offense.
Yes, it's nearly as bad as American cooking - not that you do any anymore
since Macdonalds took over (now there's a cuisine!) French or Chinese -
your choice.
>2. You will immediately stop using the letter U in the word "color"
Only if you put the 'i' back in aluminium, stop using 'gotten' and 'nite'
and stop putting subtitles on Australian movies.
>3. HRH will immediately go into family counseling.
No, I think prison would be better.
>4. We are replacing GSTQ with the 2nd and 3rd verses of TSSB.
But you've already got a perfectly nice set of words for GSTQ and TSSB is
such sentimental jingoism.
>5. You are no longer allowed to play soccer without posting a bond to cover
>the costs of post-riot repairs.
Fine - keep the violence in the crowd where it belongs (Where's Cantona
when you need him).
>6. The declaration of war against Quebec is hereby nullified. If Canada
>wants a war against Quebec, let them do their own fighting.
That's O.K - they'd have beaten you anyway (remember Somalia?)
>7. The declaration of war against France is hereby nullified. The Italian
>grape farmers will have to do their own fighting.
Oh, come on - those French farmers are really scary. The Poms could use a
little help.
>8. You have 90 days to reconstitute the D'Oyle Carte Opera Company, on pain
>of having HRH forced to play the role of Buttercup.
She's neither dear nor little. Excellent suggestion. The epitome of
self-deprecating humour (with a 'u').
>9. You will now drive on the right side of the street
Prefer to drive on the road, actually.
>10. You are no longer allowed to call private schools "public schools"
Why - they're open to any member of the public (who can afford them).
>11. French is now required for graduation from public schools and
>universities.
So long as you make English compulsory for graduation from yours.
>12. All beer must now be served chilled
Traditional English beer is designed to taste best at cellar temperature.
Chill it and it tastes just as bland and bloody pointless as US beer.
Someone once served me chilled Newcastle Brown Ale - took some time to
resuscitate it.
Andrew (I took the third and infinitely preferable option)
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