At 10:51 pm -0500 30/4/98, Joel Wilcox wrote:
>Clive,
>
>No Oly content to follow.
>
>It's important to talk about the weather a lot in America, like "It's drier
>than a popcorn fart."
>
>And when you order whiskey, don't call it "whiskey," or you'll get bourbon,
>and if you ask for "Scotch" and it tastes like bourbon, don't be surprised.
>The "real" Scotch is probably not going to be an improvement. Don't drink
>any beer for which you've ever seen an advertisement.
>
>And consider changing your name to "Clint" for the duration of your trip.
>Get yourself a cap with the emblem of some kind of team on it. Don't say
>"football" unless you are referring to something quite other than "soccor"
>and don't even bothering talking about soccor unless you are discussing the
>activities of very small children.
>
>You can usually say "Hi" to everyone; don't say "Hello" unless you can't
>remember to say "Hi." When driving backroads it's OK to wave to people you
>pass in cars. You can do this by raising the index finger off the steering
>wheel. Left one will do. Usually not both. Don't use the middle finger,
>however, even in the National Parks. They say firearms are prohibited in
>national parks (even in Texas), but it's not worth tempting Fate.
>
>When in America, don't call it "America" unless referring to the language,
>which is English but pronounced "'Mercun," or unless chatting with another
>European. Don't intimate that you think of yourself as European however, as
>this is confusing to Americans, who think of Europeans as persons who speak
>English with thick accents. In parts of the southwest, America is
>pronounced "Texas;" in the far west it is pronounced "California," or more
>generically "L.A," except for northern California, where it is pronounced
>"not-L.A." In Nebraska it is pronounced "On the way to Colorado."
>
>Try to speak as much like us as you can, although you won't succeed any
>more than Marlon Brando playing Fletcher Christian sounds English to you,
>but we appreciate the effort. Whether you are from England, Ireland, Wales,
>Scotland, South Africa, Australia, New Zealand, or London, we will assume
>you are from "England" since these accents all sound the same to us. Don't
>say "isn't it?" at the end of simple factual statements, or firmly-held
>personal beliefs presented as such. Makes an American want to say "Well
>who the hell died and made you Pope?
>
>Have a great trip.
>
>Westward Ho,
>
>Joel
>Ancient Yankee
Joel,
You got me :-) :-)
One of my biggest shocks was at LA International about ten years ago after
ordering a large whiskey - was given a Jim Beam (which was fine as I like
it) and horror of horrors a large helping of ice despite my
protestations....
One of the most interesting introductions to local dialect came from a lady
from the San Bernadino Valley area of California who I met in a bar on the
corner of Duboce and Valencia in San Francisco a few years ago.... The
information content was low but the phrases and intonations were very
attractive. She also seemed interested in origins of language, at least
that was what I assumed when she said repeatedly "go on, say something in
English" whilst insisting on sitting on my knee.
Much later I learned that I had been exposed to "Valley Girl Talk" and had
escaped lightly.... really, for sure....
Thanks for all of the good advice, will dig out my MASH hat and ask my
friends to start calling me Clint to get in practice - isn't it.
All the best,
Clive http://clive.bel-epa.com
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